


Sweltering

by MoonlightShines (Thatkillervibe)



Series: "This is Home"- Killervibe Tumblr Prompts [2]
Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Depressing af, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, You've been warned, references to 3x05, set sometime post season 4
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-18
Updated: 2018-02-18
Packaged: 2019-03-20 23:11:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13727997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thatkillervibe/pseuds/MoonlightShines
Summary: Anon Prompt: Killervibe angst?~.~It wasn’t raining. It wasn’t snowing either. It was in fact, a humid, sticky day in July.Cisco wasn’t sure that made it any better. It was bright out, no clouds, no wind, just the long annoying sounds of screeching cicadas and heat against his back, making him sweat in his stiff black suit. It was fitting maybe, because chill and cold associated so deeply in his psyche with her that if the weather were to be anything less than 80 degrees, he’d still think she was around.





	Sweltering

It wasn’t raining. It wasn’t snowing either. It was in fact, a humid, sticky day in July.

Cisco wasn’t sure that made it any better. It was bright out, no clouds, no wind, just the long annoying sounds of screeching cicadas and heat against his back making him sweat in his stiff black suit. It was fitting maybe, because chill and cold associated so deeply in his psyche with her that if the weather were to be anything less than 80 degrees, he’d still think she was around. 

  
She’s not. She’s gone. Completely.

  
Iris, Barry, Joe and Harry murmured behind him quietly, he knew they were debating on who should take him home. Who would want him. Who should take care of him.  
  
_Leave me here_ , he thought, _just bury me alive_ , _the only place I belong is with her_.  
  
Someone approached him. Slow strides, high heels stuck in the dirt clumps in the grass with every step.  
  
“Cisco,” Dr. Tannhauser said in a tired, wrought out voice.  
  
“Dr. Tannhauser,” Cisco replied flatly, eyes stuck on the mini backhoe loader truck pouring more  and more soil above Caitlin’s coffin, burying her deeper and further away.  
  
“I wanted her buried next to her father.”

Cisco looked up at the sky. Now was not the time to talk about burial politics. He was not in the right state to talk to this woman, but he knew, _she_ needed to talk. But god have mercy if she thinks she’ll be getting closure from him.

“She should’ve been with Ronnie,” he said, wetly. “But we couldn’t find his body.” He didn’t bother mentioning that there was no body to be found.

“My daughter didn’t deserve this.” 

“You’re right,” Cisco snapped, finally looking at the woman, “the hell she didn’t. You should’ve been there,” Cisco stepped closer to her, thankful that Caitlin got most of her looks from her father. “All she wanted was your support, and you failed her. She thought she lost one parent, but you made her lose two.”  
  
“I know.”  
  
“She felt so isolated and alone. _I_ was her family, _I_ was the one she came to, who she trusted when she felt she was battling the world on her own. And when she came to you, desperate for help, _you sent her away."_  
  
“I know.”  
  
“What mother _abandons_ their child?”  
  
“Cisco,” Barry warned weakly from behind them, though his voice too was wobbly and thin, face streaming with silent tears as he curled into Iris’s side.    
  
Caitlin’s mother’s breath hitched as she stared straight at Cisco, face losing resolve, but didn’t reply.  
  
Cisco turned away. He pressed a hand to his throbbing head, his powers have been going haywire with the grief. Two days ago he accidentally breached into the house of Caitlin Snow of Earth 22, scaring both of them to death. He apologized, tearfully, then found himself on Earth 17, where she was already dead. It was like getting his powers all over again, triggered by fear or intense emotion. That’s all the damn time.

  
Migraines and nausea rattled his body this past week. He used to go to Caitlin for these things, and knowing that seems to make the rolling pit in his stomach an infinite times worse.  
  
He realizes briefly that he needs to find a new doctor now.  
  
“All I think about is,” he admits quietly,  “I should be grateful that at least she’s with him now, at least she’s with Ronnie, and not alone, but I’m not. She should be with _me_.”  
  
Cisco’s gasping now, fists clenched in his hair as he sunk to the earth, soiling his suit pants where he’s closer to her, as close as he’s going to get. He sobs, helpless.  
  
“I loved her so much,” he choked on his words, tearing his eyes from the littered flowers to look back up at her mother, pleading for...Cisco doesn’t even know anymore. _Mercy? Grace? Forgiveness? Compassion?_  
  
“I loved her,” he repeated, clenching his eyes shut, trembling under the touch of a strong hand rubbing circles against his shoulders.  
  
He looked up again after he spaced out for a moment. Dr. Tannhauser was gone, walking briskly away as Harry jogged after her. Cisco was startled to find that it was Cecile comforting him.   
  
“Let’s bring you home, honey.” She said. “You need sleep.” Her voice was soothing, like a drip of morphine straight into his veins. Cisco hasn’t slept, he doesn’t know if he could. He was afraid of what would greet him in his dreams, his vibes were already haunting him enough while awake. But he was tired and weak, and in this moment, sleep felt like an oasis. Maybe he wouldn’t have to wake up.  
  
Cisco let Joe’s wife drag him up onto his two feet and walked him twenty minutes across Central City’s cemetery to the parking lot and into their car. His hair stuck to his face from tears and sweat, leaning his head against the window of the backseat, willing himself not to get sick to his stomach.  
  
He waited as Joe got into the driver’s seat what felt like hours later, after fastening in his sleeping baby in the car seat next to Cisco. Cisco ran his fingers against the gentle skin of the baby’s cheek, warm and flushed under the sunlight’s haze. Joe buckles his seatbelt and turned the ignition, driving Cisco further and further away. They were bringing him to their house, Joe said. He’s welcome to stay as long as he needs.

Cisco had a flashback from earlier this week. Drunk and wrecked he breached outside his parent’s house at midnight and rung the doorbell, only to collapse into his mother’s arms. “ _Mam_ _á_ _”,_ he cried out, anguished, “ _Mi amor, ella_ _está muerta, como Dante_.”

_“¿Quien?”_

_“Mi amor, Mi Caitlin.”_

_“No más Star Labs. Quédate aquí." Come home_ , she said firmly, but Cisco shook his head, swaggered backwards, chest still heaving as he threw open a portal behind him and breached away.

 

“Cisco,” Cecile said now, softly. His eyes met hers through the rearview mirror.  
  
“I just wanted you to know,” she began, “I heard Caitlin’s thoughts when I was pregnant. If you have any doubts, don’t. She loved you something fierce.”  
  
Cisco closed his eyes and tipped his head back against the window.  
  
“I know she loved me. I know she knew that I did,” Cisco replied, “but I should’ve told her. I thought we had the world, I thought we had all our lives to get our acts together,” Cisco laughed bitterly, exhaling sharply as another bout of heartache stabbed him in the chest, waves of tears washing over him again.  
  
“But we never did.”

**Author's Note:**

> So I was in a terrible mood and wrote this. I'm sorry for making you cry.  
> I have taken a class in Spanish but it was 2 years ago so please correct me if I made mistakes but the translation should be:
> 
> Cisco: Mom. My love, she's dead like Dante.  
> Cisco's mother: Who?  
> Cisco: My love. Caitlin.  
> Cisco's mother: No more Star Labs. Stay here. 
> 
> You can find me and send prompts through my Tumblr: @thatkillervibe


End file.
